About six weeks ago, I was eating seaweed like it was going extinct because of my hypo-thyroid condition. I was also told to have more protein in my diet to help reduce the swelling in my feet. Then in early May, I went for my follow-up visit and learned that I no longer had hypo-thyroid. Instead, I was now diagnosed with gestational diabetes (GD) and hemorrhoids. This meant an even stricter diet since my swollen feet were still persisting and I had to cut down on carbs to control the GD.

As if that wasn’t enough, over the last week or so, I have developed rashes all over my feet, calves, thighs and fingers. I’ve tried using sodium bicarbonate bath, slightly acidic water, fresh aloe vera, aloe vera gel, menthol rubs, anti-histamine pills and calamine lotion. But none have given me anything beyond a temporary relief. Apparently, it’s a chronic hives-like rash that strikes women during pregnancy, known as PUPPP. In severe cases, the doctor may have to induce labor. The silver lining in my case is that PUPPP struck only in my 32nd week and only on my limbs.

I wonder if all these third trimester discomfort is nature’s way of helping a mom terrified of the delivery process to actually look forward to it. Yes, that would be me. =P And watching these videos, while educational, didn’t help to ease my fears. If anything, it showed me that both natural and cesarean options have their fair share of pros and cons.

The thought of delivering our son (with a head size above the 95th percentile; already 9cm in week 32) is terrifying and it amazes me to read of mommies who want to give birth without any pain medication. I do not have any aspirations for a medication-free delivery because I know my pain tolerance is minimal. In fact, I’m hoping our boy will help make it clear for us (either by his position or his growing head size) whether a Cesarean is necessary because I am most terrified of the prospect of trying natural birth only to switch to emergency C-section. But I know that at the end of the day, when push comes to shove, my currently cowering-in-hiding motherly instincts will help to pull me through the birthing process. Our son will inspire me to be a better and stronger person in more ways than one.

In the meantime, until the contractions begin, I reserve the right to be a chicken about the birthing process. =P